Fun with Death
by Voldyshorts
Summary: WARNING:DH SPOILERS! Have you ever wanted to tick Snape off? Well...here is the story of how I achieved that. But I also got hurt in the process...oh well. I MADE SNAPE MAD! YAY! One-shot.


**Hello world. So...I've decided to make a little story on what would happen if I were in book seven of Harry Potter. What exactly would I do to cause the amazing Snape pain? Well... (btw, this has DH spoilers...and mu name is Nicki Noodle in this...Also, Snape is one cool dude. But It'd be fun to mess with the guy!! )**

-

I stood up on the Gryffindor table, looking at the teachers' table. Slowly, one-by-one, their heads turned to look at me. I smiled a malicious smile and winked at Professor McGonagle. She tried to hide her small smile. She knew what was coming...but she had no intention to control it after what Severus Snape did to the great Albus Dumbledore. I bent down, picked up some mashed potatoes, and stood back up. My wand caused the mashed potatoes to hover directly in front of me. With a small flick of my wrist, the food went flying directly into the face of Severus Snape. HE stood up, looked me in the eye, and opened his food covered mouth to yell at me. But, before any sound other than a deep squeak could escape his lips, I screamed at the top of my lungs,

"FOOD FIGHT!" All.Hell.Broke.Loose. Food was flying from every direction. I jumped down off the table just as a pile of pudding, thanks to Luna Lovegood, was thrown where I was standing a moment earlier. I crawled over to Neville Longbottom and the two of us high-fived each other. We then joined the fun of the food fight.

"MCGONAGLE!" I could hear Snape screaming. "DO SOMETHING!"

"Children, please, settle down." She said just above normal talking level. She didn't move an inch as she said this. She shrugged her shoulders as nothing happened. "I'm sorry. They just won't listen to me. What shall we do?"

Amycus Carrow stood from his chair, a fierce look in his eye. He pointed his wand into the middle of the chaos of the students. "Immobulus!" He screamed. Everything in the room froze.

"NICKI NOODLE!" Snape roared at the top of his lungs.

"Yes?" I answered in a calm voice. I was right in the middle of the Matrix move (WANANA), so all I had to do was tilt my head back to look at him.

"My office...NOW!" His eyes blazed with a firey passion of complete hatred.

"Well, gee. I'd love to...but I kinda can't move." I answered in mock cheerfulness. I smiled a smile sure to annoy. Snape flicked his wand as he muttered the incantation to remove the spell. And, as he was hoping, I fell back. And I just _happened_to land in something gooey and red. Holy cow, please let it be ketchup! I got up and wiped most of the goo off. Snape came sweeping down and right past me, to the door. I followed. Just as I got to the door, I turned around and smiled at my fellow students. Thunderous applause erupted from the room. I bowed theatrically over and over to my beloved friends, enemies, and acquaintances. In mid bow, I felt a pair of hands grab my shirt and I was yanked out of the room, the door slamming shut behind me.

-

"Nicki, you look awful. You're covered in bruises! If you pull any more of these stunts, you'll be killed! And it'll probably be by the Dark Lord!" Ginny complained to her new best friend...ME! There were mobs and mobs of students all around us. If I saw Snape, I had a plan.

"First of all, I couldn't care less about Lord Voldeshorts! Second, if I'm gonna die, I might as well die having fun!" I said happily. Even when I was beat up and in pain, nothing could make me unhappy. Not when I was causing others pain! (those others are deatheaters...) Suddenly, I sniffed the air. "I smell a grease ball." I said with an evil smirk. As soon as I saw the evil Snape strutting down the hall, I slammed against the wall. As he got closer, I started walking down the hall slowly, still clinging to the wall. I began humming the Mission Impossible theme song.

"Dun dun dun dun dun dun..." began singing. Snape walking in front of me, stopped and slowly turned to look at me. His eyebrow was cocked in a funny manner. I gave him a shifty look. I sneaked a peak at Ginny. She looked as if she would burst from holding in her laughter. Snape opened him mouth. Then, he closed it, shoke his head with a sigh, and continued to walk down the corridor.

"I'll see you later, Sevy-Poo!" I screamed out. All the students snickered. Snape turned around and glared at me. I ran up to him and looked up at him, grining like an idiot. I then hugged him like a big, greasy, teddy bear.

"Get off of me! You stupid little girl!" He yelled as he pried me off.

"Are you on your period? I have an extra tampon if you need it." said to him. Every student in the hall froze and there was a gasp that seemed to take place at the same time from every student. He just glared at me, tuned on his heel, and began walking away. I took out a tampon from my bag, put a sticking charm on it, and then very carefully hovered it over to Snape. Then, I glued it to his butt. I walked back to Ginny.

"Mess with me!" I said, snapping my fingers with each word I said.

-

I ran down the corridor, the pockets of my robs bulging from carrying so many wooden balls. I had spent all last night painting the balls. The top half was red, bottom white. A little black dot had been placed in the center between the two colors (you'll get a better visual image in a sec). I had reached my destination. Well, one of them, anyway. Alecto Carrow was standing directly in front of me, looking happy. She loved to see me in pain. And she knew she would get her chance to give me pain in a few minutes. But, like I said earlier, if I was gonna die, I would have some fun. I looked at her and then looked angry. I took out a few wooden ball and threw them at her.

"Go, Pikachu, GOOOO!" I screamed. As she toppled over from the impact, I ran.

After a few minutes of running, I noticed that Snape, Alecto and Amycus were all chasing after me. I began throwing the balls behind me, shouting random Pokemon names. But, sadly for me, they were older...so the were able to outrun me.

-

After the little 'ball' incident, I decided to chill out for a while. But, only so that I could plan some more fun times, recover from my injuries...and to catch them off guard. MUAHAHAHAHA! But, I soon became bored. So, I decided it had been long enough.

I was sitting in muggle studies, waiting for to Professor Carrow to start droning on about how terrible muggles are and how we should destroy each one of them and blah blah blah. But, I suddenly had a brilliant idea.

"Class? Today we will be-" But I cut him off.

"NO NO NO!! IT'S THE VOICES AGAIN!!" and I ran out of the class room. Well, now I had about 2 hours to just chill. HA! Yeah right. It was time for some major sabotage.

-

I snuck into the ''Headmaster's'' chamber thingy...with a few little muggle gadgets. Through out the entire room, I placed alarm clocks that would go off at five minute intervals. I turned them up to full blast and set them to go off in the night. Snape wouldn't be getting ANY sleep tonight...hehe!

I then proceeded to walk over to his bedroom. Yuck. This was where he..._sleeps. _AHHH! I was so sure I would barf. Anyway, I walked over to his window with the stupid black Gothic curtain. I looked over to Hagrid's hut. Perfect.

"Accio Blast Ended Skrewt." I muttered. I heard a faint whizzing noise. Then, I saw it. Since I had the amazing ability to talk to animals, this particular animal already knew the plan. It landed gently in my hands. I had told it the other day that we were gonna get Snape back. All this stupid thing had to do was sit there, and attack when the time was right. I walked over to the world's most disgusting bed, pulled the sheets back with the tips of my two fingers and placed the Blast Ended Skrewt on the bed.

"You remember the plan?" I asked it. It blinked. I took that as a yes. Phase two of operation Make Snape angry by sabatoshing his room as complete. Time for phase three. I walked over to his desk and took some parchment and a quill. Ready for phase three. I then proceeded to write this completely awesome note...

_Dear Severus, _

_Hello, my one true love. It's me, Wormtail. I just wanted to tell you, that I love you. You are the Heavens and the Earth. You are the night to my day, the hand to my wand, the...the...the blue to my red. Please, PLEASE tell me you feel the same way. I know that you do. I can see it every time that you look at me. And I know you want me. The way you make me stay locked up in the book shelf door...thing. You're just trying to hide your true feelings for me. So...when you get this, owl me. I just want to see your sweet hand writing. I'll be counting the moments, my love. _

_Yours truly, _

_Wormtail_

_P.S.  
Be on the lookout for Filtch. I heard from a little birdie that he wants to have a threesome with you and Mrs. Norris. Be safe love._

I read it through. I smiled a wicked smile. I laid the note on his desk, then went into his lavatory. Final stage was a go. I went into his bath and took his shampoo. I then pulled out some hair dye. I looked at the bottle. _Bubblegum Pink. Perfect. _I then dropped a few drops into the shampoo. I looked in and shrugged. Then, I poured the whole bottle of hair dye into the shampoo bottle. I laughed and evil laugh. "MUAHAHAHAHA!"

I ran out of the room, down the staircase, and towards the kitchen. I checked my watch. I had 20 minutes left. I had to hurry. I opened the door, and looked in. There she was. Winky.

"Winky!" I shouted. She came running over, still crying a little bit. "Would you like a job to do?" I asked politely. I must have scared her a little with all my bruises. But she smiled a smile that took up her entire face. She nooded vigorously. "Alrighty then. I want you to follow Snape around for the next week. Whatever he tells you to do, don't do it. Just follow him around and sing to him. Sing him some nice mushy gushy love songs. Can you do that?" I asked her. She looked confused, but slowly nodded her head and smiled. "Good." I said, deep in thought. I looked at my watch. 10 minutes to go. I quickly dashed down to the potions room. I knew that this was the one time where no one would be in this room. And it was vital that no one saw me do this.

I walked over to the potions cuboard and looked in. Perfect. I reached in my robes and looked through the items. I took out all of my kitchen spices and liquid makeup. I then dumped all of the potion ingredients down the drain and replaced them with the spices and makeup. "Oh yeah." I muttered as I got the imaginary image of the mess I just created.

-

"Proffessor Carrow is sick. So, I shall be taking over Muggle Studies for today. Now..." The rest of Snape's boring old speech was lost as I trailed off into prank land. I had found the perfect prank. I pulled out some parchment, and immediately began writing.

"Psst. Neville." I said in a loud whisper, making sure that Snape would come over.

"Noodle!" He yelled. He walked over to me and grabbed the note I had written to Neville. "I'll be taking this." He said with an evil smile.

"Please, Professor...you aren't gonna read it out loud...are you?" I asked, making it seem like I truly didn't want him reading it out loud. HA! Yeah right.

"Well...I wasn't...but I think that's just what I should do." He opened the note, cleared his throat, and glanced at me. "Dear Nevile," He began."So, you really wanna know what happened last night? Well. I snuck out of my dorm and into Snape's room. Then, when he came to the door, we..." HIs eyes widened. The entire class burst out laughing. Snape glared at everyone. But he gave me a gaze that almost made me cry. Almost. I smiled innocently at him. He went back to teaching. But first..."Nicki? Please go see Carrow. Tell her I said to go loose on you." He smiled wickedly.

I stared fearfully at him. But this time, I was truely scared.

-

"NICKI!" Ginny screamed as I staggered into the dorm. "Oh my goodness...are you alright? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAPPENED?!" She screamed.

"Ouch." I mumbled. I went over to my bed and laid down. It felt so good to just sit. That stupid hag Carrow had the Cruciatus curse put on me 8 times in a row. Then, I had to rearrange her office. I felt like a gummy bear. My eyes popped open. I then began to sing the gummy bear song. Even when I was in pain, I knew how to have fun. (The song will be on my user homepage thingy) Ginny rolled her eyes. She knew I was fine.

-

**That's basically it. I know...it's really stupid. But it was fun to make. So...yup!! You don't have to review...unless you want to. But I really don't care what you do. Read my other story...It's about Sirius Black!! sigh so cute. But...toodles!! D**

**Nicki**


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